** Allah is supergreat **

the motto what doesnt kill me makes me stronger works for me couple of times before when i've had few mishaps in my life..but the recent event collapsed me.

because? i didnt see this coming. i didnt even think that it might occured within my life journey...but it did. OK, compared to other ppl yes im still considered lucky since i have baby Z with me..but im just a human being, i need time to recover.

what happened? my lovely foetus heartbeat stopped beating at its 9 weeks. i came to know during my usual routine check up at its 10 n 1/2 weeks.it's seriously took me by suprise. ive heard its heartbeat during its 7 weeks, it was so damn strong, in fact stronger than baby Z during his time..that surely gives me good sign right but yeah who am i to decide my lifepath...

i accept whatever had happened to me, but like i said im just a normal homo sapiens. i need time to recover and grieve. a famous quote once says, grieving is the best healing medicine actually..so i think i'll hang to that at the moment.

whatever had tookplace, Allah surely has better plans for me, insyaAllah.i have faith. and im satisfied, since i think ive loved the foetus unconditionally during our moment 'together'..

I pray for dear readers not to undergo the same grievances and depression that Ive had to endure, but have faith and you'll be alright..

And so he speaks!

1st scenario:
Baba: Sok Saturday my cousins nak datang ye
Mama: Ala sok ma keje la yang
Baba: Hmm

2nd scenario:
Mama: hmm poning tul la layang operator ne *bebel2 sindri sambil check messages
Baba: soh benti taknak!
Mama: bukan taknak tapi *bla bla blaa
Baba: -----------fedup

uwaaa.. so he speaks! this is not the first time that statement kuar mulut dia tapi lots of times now! Plus my helper is again leaving end of this month, i dah start terkontang kanting. Sapa nak jaga Riky, ngan myself and hubby so bz, kuar pagi nak malam baru balik...macam mana?

benti keje make sense, but tremendous amount of other things heavied my mind and soul..Riky can be sent to nursery tapi si bujang ni, aisey..harap2 leh la survive kat nursery..

myself cannot stay idle without doing anything. that it so totally not in the plate. i need to do something. but what and how. cannot think la..nak business pon takde byk pengalaman,tak byk pengalaman ni la risk dia makin tinggi.

tapi hubby ckp mmg la kalo business 90% we talk bout risks! pfft..benti keje? mmg la kat office pon scenario is not good now ni, which i think everyone pon ada issue mereka sindri, thats including me!

if i said let me think bout the solutiion or proposal, i think ive been thinking for quite sometime..tapi zero output. hmm hubby kata goreng pisang kat depan je la..ha. one of the ways to start learning bout business tapi myself tak minat la plak, lagipun me takde touch mcm my other sibs la..derang masak mmg power.

agaknye kene benti dulu kot baru idea sampai..hehe

Eid mubarak All

Salam aidilfitri readers, maaf zahir batin..lama gak rasenya tak update blog ni, bukan apa, sebuk manjang je..raya cuti pon cuti yang diprovide by company, worse still we have to replace the hols by working on Saturdays..now how cunning it can be kan..serupa takyah cuti..

forget bout all the lousy details, lets talk bout raya! raya tahun ni patut turn seremban, tapi hubby cakap since nak balik sana tu lalu sini, so raya sini la dulu..pehh..lama gak la myself nak get to that statement,bukan apa tahun ni turn raya kat semban, then all my sibs pon raya sini, then we have new member memeng, jadi i anticipate it would be a huge one..tapi takpela..i follow his words, since i dont want this raya to be a raya with air mata..hehehe

anyhow, we singgah at my inlaws, solat and breakfast, then shoot to seremban..after fri prayer balik sri menanti kg gunung pasir..dah ramai da kat kampong at that time.my uncles n aunties suma sebok prepare mcm2 food..cousins pegi mandi jeram, siapkan food nak bbq malam tu, main bola..mcm2 aktiviti la..mmg meriah..acara kemuncak petang tu adalah meriam buluh la..apa lagi..yg main pon otai2 ye suma, nak turunkan ilmu la kan, hahaha..then malam bbq followed by acara penutup main mercun aka lawan mercun ngan kampong sebelah!

meraung2 la si riky, takotkan bunyi berdentum dentam. takleh wat apa la..sebab tokey main mercun tu baba ae sindri, paling abes i leh buat pon sengih sambil menjengilkan mata kat baba dia, which i cud say pretty much sia-sia aja...hahah..tak kisah la baba, malam kang adik meraung baba la layan yea, mama sumbat cotton ball kat tinge..hehe

before acara kemuncak malam main mercun tu, we have a soal jawab session, more like kuiz session la..simple q like what is our kampungs name, nama pokok sebelah ni ape, nama den apo..haha..simple yet hard for these little ones, but they did show some courage in answering them very confidently walaupon salah..after that followed by acara salam2 bagi angpow to them..

menarik mmg menarik..and to see Awe smile ear to ear with her similar question- dah makan ko boluuuumm..it definitely worth it to go throughout all the traffic to get to this kampung ujung pasir..The Suda Rocks!

Isle of Wight

Isle of Wight

one of the best moments..read it tru my frens' eyes dis time..:)

* Awe *

asal hubby ajak balik gunung pasir jeh i always feel excited..ye la..i got to meet his grandma..mine dah lama kembali ke rahmatullah..

jadi when we get to gather, then bawak zikry jumpe onyang dia..we grab the chance la..bukan apa, sometimes young ones ne if tak buatkan cenggini we tend to get drifted away ngan our daily chores..

plan nak mandi jeram, uii best so bawak la baju extra...alih2 ujan la plak, but still i changed clothes, but it's because riky muntah!..waaarrgghh

so next, balik raya pulaaaa

** Mama ke mbaa **

riky skrang dok panggil mba mba mba..abes nenek dia, atuk, wan dia, baba, mama pon jadi mba..eii..nak wat canne lak, dah tentu dia spend time the most with that mba of him, what a dilemma..

jeles gak, but so far he still goes after me la..phewww..lucky. or else mau notice 24 hours..heheh..papahal pon nasib la ada nur ni..keje skrang ne bukan menentu..teragak derang nak buat meeting kang, kul 6pm dia panggil..padahal waktu tu hatiku sudah berada bersama riky..ooo rikyyy...


owh dah tentu la hati ku bersama babahnye juge...hehe..if not baba muncung mama balik lambat yea..heheh..

** KPJ as our second home? **

if tengok caption atas tu, nauzubillah..tapi lately ne tu la yang berlaku..myself baru je got discharged last 2 months, then last 2 weeks, my darling Riky lak get admitted..

Well his case to me was so much worse than mine..ye la, kalo oang tua sakit dia leh la bagitau ke apa ke..but what can a 1 months plus year old toddler can do? merengek je la..

it all started on that day..riky muntah. tapi i thought that was because he was coughing before..then dia amik his noon nap as usual..tapi tak selesa..like very uncomfortable, guling2 like he's in pain..still being such a stupid mom i am, i again thought this is him being normal..then petang tu after he's being fed, he cried and cried..as tho he's in great pain..bila dukung dia naik2 atas badan..panic la, luckily la mom ada sama so we rushed to dhillon's. kat sini, siap potong q lagi, cakap ngan nurse tu tolong la, since riky dah nangis2 dah waktu tu..

seriously i was so panicked..yet calm gak la..tapi dalam hati tuhan je yang tau..dhillon diagnosed him and then gave some med. kata if dia tak heal pagi sok kene gi wat x ray stat! suspected usus riky mungkin terbelit or stuck within each other..

upon hearing that, my mon dah nangis. i became blur. what? what? but why? how come..how? balik, bagi ubat, then dia taknak susu..tapi dia nak minum ORS..lega rasenya, at least he wants to drink. but, split 5 minutes, he threw up. and practically threw up whatever he consumed earlier..sampai muntah hijau..

we rushed him to the hospital, riky lembik dah..ya Allah..i plead for Your mercy..please ya Allah..when he vomitted again, i nearly losin my poker face, paed Dr.Wan was on call, dia datang there and then pasang drip..

after that, admitted then dekat ward riky e ek darah! pool of blood..ya Allah..doa doa doa..aku ni hamba Mu yang lemah ya Allah..he vomitted again, then e ek..process ni went for couple of days..

anyhow, alhamdulillah he recovered now..cause still unknown, ada some kind of bacterial infection..but follow up je la skrang ni..rase trauma tul, mengingatkan anak2 di luar sana yang ada sakit yg more kronik, ya Allah moga beri kekuatan pada parents ini dan sembuhkan lah anak mereka..amiin..

riky, such an unpleasant experience for mama...mama takes it, whatever doesnt kill us, it makes us stronger kan...i love you..terima kasih ya Allah..

how ha?

lately ni, this question always struck me..how to juggle my career life and family life..how to work with new surrounding..how to handle ppl that has big batu implanted in their head..how to be rich..hmmph hmmpph..thats the most interesting one yet remain as one of the hardest..

if i tell dis to dear hubby,his answer is so senang- apa mau risau, itu suma qada & qadar, doa shj, Allah da susun semua untuk kita..aisey, topic tu terus mati. when i get his answer, different question lak popped up.

are men always dis ignorant? oops occay let me rephrase, are men always dis least sensetive? nnt myself buat survey..hehe

updaaates!

salam all..mak aii lamanya tak update blog..few things happened within this time..eg: i went to langkawi and penang-was awesome tho it's tiring..had few changes in my work org, my boss is no more Mr.RR, but now Mr.FCA. hah! if youre reading this boss, dun worry, there's no bad mouthing here, i reserved that for our little tea break..haha..wat else..oo riky's birthday da successfully took place, alhmdulillah, gath was great, thanks families for being there..

** bila nak buat birthday Riky**

haha..title above is given by my sister-Hani..tadi kat kampong after my cousin controversial wedding ( hehe..tak kisah Suraya, as long as ure happy and Fitri can take care of you and Islam in a good way, ckap2 tu ignore je..)

"ko kata nak buat waktu riky da pandai jalan, skrang da pandai pon tak buek2 gak.." aisey, tertampo mama dia ne rase when she said that..its not that i dont want to do, but its because im err bz? bole accept tak readers.. i mean bz bukan working tau, well part of it..hehe..tapi hari tu im nt well, hospitalized, then riky's nt well..then baba outstation, then..oke the list is long! trust me, or else takkan la saja2 nak delay Riky's 1st birthday?

adik, mama tak janji tauu..i mean insyaAllah mama mesti buat nye sebelom umur adik sampai 2 tahun...hehehehhe

** mecca & medina **

rindu nak gi dua2 tempat ne, last week one of my colleagues just came back, so I managed to catch up here and there with her..hearing her stories and excitment, well actually we shared ours,always gives me the pumping in my adrenaline.

macam mana nak cerita yea, the feelings tu susah sket nak express, especially when I saw green dome and black square built infront of me..its like expressionless. alhamdulillah praise to Allah I managed to complete few rounds of umra' and only assisted hubby, and accompany him with his journey for miqat due to women reason. tipu la kalo i say im not dissapointed or sad since i took pils prescribed by gynae, tapi at least, Allah gives me the chance to step on His holy land..

my tour group ne, mostly professionals-doc gigi ada, doc GP ada, doc falsafah pon ada..mostly travel with family la, of course la kan if gi sana kene la ada muhrim nya. there this one family, mom with 4 daughters and in laws, plus a cute kiddie..it reminds me of myself..alangkah bestnye if mom can travel along with us all-4 sisters, surely can be pretty much havoc gak..

tapi suma sempoi..cuma ada la masa2 nye kiterang ada complain sket2 but most of the time we plus minus gak ngan our organizer..nak perfect mmg tak dapat la but at least our main objective tu tercapai..

normally when hubby gi beribadat i felt bored in hotel room, ye la tgk tv pon tak paham, so usually i went to wait for him near the mosque..bukan tunggu depan pintu masjid yea, tapi depan masjid dalam shopping mall! ha jangan main2, dpn masjidil haram ada starbux, u also can shop in that zam-zam mall...ada guess boutique, esprit..fuh! i mean i donno,it's just felt wrong to see such shops that close to Haram..

bukankah itu akan menjadi satu distraction untuk jemaah? or maybe im wrong, maybe its just me who feels that way, orang lain mungkin suka..but orinality of that place i think dah makin hilang la..ntah bila next time ada rezeki pergi lagi, ada disneyland lak somewhere at that parameter..


nak carik internet pon is very2 limited, nasib kat Hilton business center leh access, itu pon with 15 rial per hour..hahaha..telan je la, sbb nak tengok muke Zikry nye pasal..

** Give it up to Liza Kery y'll**

*today lambat balik sket dari opis..jumpe my ever best friend-liza..we've known each other for ages! and had experienced laughters, sadness..even accidents! yep we do bark at each other at times, but as this is part of the processes to grow mature, we adapt it well and move forward..

bulging, and still bubbly as ever, always a Dory.

im kinda excited for her. i mean why not, she's into her 39th sem now, give it me in her shoes, i already have zikry screaming 'lively' at my ears! i had zikry at my 38th weeks, therefore seeing her already at her end of 39th weeks make me nervous and happy at the same time..happy because she'll be having a baby soon, another topic that we can happily gossiping around!

all the best Boo..riky cant wait to have a playmate, not a playdoh.hahah..i pray for your wellbeing during the delivery, may Allah bless you always..**

oh yeah of course, i love you too :)

** A life battle **

today doesnt start as I intend it to be..banyak sangat perkara yang harus diselesaikan dan di ambil kira at my office..since i need to slim down my group,that means i will have to spill out bad news to few ppl..which i really hate to..i mean its easy to imagine..put urself in that shoes, u'll scream in tears! notice in a day..how mean is that? :(

with lots of issues surrounding, myself actually always teringat at my dear maklang way in pontian johor..she's scheduled to undergo breast removal surgery tomorrow, since she's been diagnosed with breast cancer stage 1..deep down i believe she'll go tru dis one with fierce courage..but considering whatever that she's been goin tru all these year made me fight back my tears...i cannot say it's not fair, sebab Allah itu Maha Mengetahui..mana mungkin Dia akan menguji hamba-Nya jika Dia tahu hamba itu tidak berkemampuan...:(

made me realize one thing..cherish dan treasure la whatever's being granted for you..dont take things for granted..even the ability for you to open up ur eyes every morning and breath in the air..myself is getting cooler bit nowdays..bukan apa, my boss is scheduled to undergo angiogram tomorrow, and my another friend had mild heart attack last week..all these things quickly made me resort to one solution-bersyukur, and yep stress management..

release my stress? look at my hubby and darling riky la..of course talking to parents and families, they never failed to make me feel way much better altho its clearly was my fault!

to my ever dearest beloved Mak lang, there are lots of prayers meant for you then you can never imagined..i love you and always do, please keep the spirit up and tawakkal, insyaAllah..insyaAllah..and my cousins, sorry for not being there physically, but i know u know that my prayers are always lingering you..

my hubby? thanks for you know what..i love you

**Howdy ppl!!*

salam all,good day! lama gile tak update..well..lama as such dat baby Riky's already crossing that border line of being a year old now, am at helper #7 now! 've been with frequent visits to clinics with couple of times in and out to hospitals!

still..i feel like im being blessed, despite some hiccups..as long as Allah permits me to breath this air of Him, so shall I..tru FB I managed to track down few of my old friends *hi oldies! remember the good ol'times? that was like years back down the road, and looking back, boy im just glad to have bumped onto them..

had sat down for an important xm recently..dunno..didnt really prepare for it but duh, who cares, just go for the experience sake..kalo itu rezeki saya, maka ia akan jadi rezeki saya, tapi of course along with effort poured in..

ive pumped in pics of my lil eyecandy..he's the world to me, greatest gift Ive ever had..syukur Allah..

will get back soon xoxox